Heart of Wisdom Academy

 

Overwhelmed or Overcoming? The Danger of Focusing on the Mess from Generation Cedar

 

It seems almost fashionable for women in the internet world to emphasize, even glorify weaknesses and frailty. We are, after all, weak and frail. And to hide that fact, especially as we try to paint a picture of our lives in this online community, would be lying as well as discouraging to others who often feel they are just keeping their heads above the water.

I want to be transparent. But I’ve discovered a danger in too much dwelling on our failures.

As Megan Hill put it:

“…all stories, including self-deprecating humor and amusing little blog anecdotes, have theological implications. As Christians, our current obsession with brokenness may have us getting a little too comfortable with a life defined by often-petty imperfections.” The Very Worst Trend Ever

I can easily talk myself into being overwhelmed instead of an overcomer in the strength and power of God. And if I glorify my weakness (we only glory in our weakness because His strength is made perfect there) I can become lazy, misusing God’s grace to prevent me from embracing the transforming power of the gospel. I can fall into a “defeatism that may bleed into spiritual laxness.”

We have been saved not only from something, but to something. We weren’t meant to be stagnant, flailing Christians, barely scraping by in a day. There is not only nothing wrong with improvement, it is biblical.

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,  and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,  and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.  For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:5

The more I dwell on my weakness, how I fall short, don’t measure up, the more I believe it, and live it. It’s the subtle but enormous power of suggestion.

Is this biblical thinking? What is our right response to a flesh that fails when we serve a God who doesn’t?

Gently, my Heavenly Father has really been speaking to me about this. One line from Proverbs 31 shouts at me: “Strength and dignity are her clothing.” I have to keep taking my eyes off my limitations and remember He isn’t limited. I have to remember that He has always delighted to use, not strong people, but empty people through which His strength can be demonstrated.

I never knew how much the tornado would change my life. Of course there was the physical devastation of it all, but truly I was not prepared for the emotional crisis it would sling me into, nor how long it would last. And in the middle of that, I began to feel like my weakness owned me, defined me and it was terrifying at times to think it would dominate me forever.

I wrote When Motherhood Feels Too Hard in the middle of that, but I’m so thankful He used that project to rally within me a fighting spirit. It’s true that often we find ourselves desperately alone, scared or just exhausted, but He doesn’t leave us there. In the midst of life we have the choice to persevere and the Source to do it.

I need to live like a child of the King, fully equipped for good works, not given to defeat or despair, because ultimately, I am indwelt by the spirit of the Almighty, and I. can. do. this.

I need to be talking to myself differently–that’s the “being clothed in strength and dignity.” Pondering the promises of “rising up as eagles” and “more than conquerors” equips me and grows me.

It doesn’t change the hard days or make me a superwoman. But it helps me keep the right perspective. We are walking in the same flesh as Abraham, Moses, Paul and Peter did. He gave them grace for their journey and He gives it to us too. God has given you a task, and He is faithful who called you.

http://generationcedar.com/main/2013/08/overwhelmed-or-overcoming-the-danger-of-focusing-on-the-mess.html?fbclid=IwAR1o0WveRB9hiWQWymw2fxCCAWvObZ8ZwJd9O82mWUxw1erYa5gust13WLw

My husband laughs at me on his way to work. LOL He says I'm basically torturing myself.

• Monday: Well I don't have much to report this week. We had mostly half days of school. On Monday I had, what some would call, a nervous breakdown! I've been fighting a moth infestation in my house for a couple of months, and I finally surrendered in anguish and tears. When the exterminator walked through the door, let's just say I might have mistaken him for an angel, so great was my elation!!  
• Tuesday: We had our co op. Trying to get 6 kids out of the door and to co op by 10:00 feels like an Olympic event. What on earth would I do if they had to be at school as early as 7? I'm too lazy to send my kids to public school! After co-op we ate and then did, reading, math, and Spanish. Then I took the kids to soccer practice
• Wednesday: Our only full day this week. We did Geography. I have finished teaching all the countries in South and Central America, and I introduced Africa today. Our goal is to learn the name and locations of all the countries in the world. They take practice quizzes here. Kyle and Kaden are at 100%. Peyton and Kason are at about 80%  Kendal knows all the names, just not all their exact locations. They also named the states on the southern border of the United States, and all the states on northern border of the United States. We watched a documentary of Netflix called Wildest Latin America. Kaden and Peyton did typing. All kids did their reading and Math. Kyle wrote his current event.
• Thursday: I had appointments all day. The kids had fall cleaning with daddy. They cleaned fireplace bricks, windows, blinds, floors, walls, etc. One of my appointments was to meet with an educational therapist about how to increase intelligence. My twins are "borderline". I was interested in what their program could to to help increase their cognition. But with the price tag hovering around $800 a month, that program is out of the question! We went out to lunch as a family and took my MIL to the doctor. 
• Friday: Today was a full day of school
• We didn't do our science and history memory work this week.

Because...

This is my beautiful, sweet, daughter Peyton (aka "Baby Baller Cakes") at 2 months shy of 8 years old. I tell her all the time how glad I am that God gave her to me. I absolutely love her to pieces. She is caring, attentive, protective, creative, inquisitive, athletic, joyful, and helpful.
 I have shared in the past her learning difficulties:

• expressive/reflexive language disorder
• reading/writing disorder
• extremely low IQ -borderline range
• extremely poor working memory
• extremely poor short-term memory
• extreme difficulty with memory retrieval

 She progresses slowly, but this is the first year where she has had virtually no academic progress. Her and her twin Kaden have similar learning struggles: they both receive the same therapy twice a week, his IQ is equally low (in fact lower), and their initial academic assessments were very similar; however, there is one major difference. He does not have the memory problems that she has. And for that reason alone he is has been able to progress academically where she hasn't.
For the last several years we've acknowledged that there is a learning disability, but it has become very clear this year that the real problem is memory. No matter who teachers her, what curriculum is used, or what building she's in; her brain goes with her everywhere. Her brain literally does a factory reset every couple of months, and start all over again reteaching everything. Unfortunately her therapists haven't worked with a child with these types of memory problems so we're all trying to learn together.

What God whispers to my heart:

• If Jesus is all my little girl will ever know, is that enough for you? 
• You value knowledge more than wisdom
• The Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Luke 10:41
• Do you want Peyton to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death? Is that your goal for your little girl? Phil. 3:10
• How willing are you to stand alone like Noah in obedience to Me in the face of mockery, ridicule, sneers, gossip, judgement, misunderstandings? (see I can get concerned, b/c my daughter stands alone in class as the only child that can't read. I stand alone in my homeschool community as the mom who's kid "still" can't read) 
• Spend your time grieving over what God grieves over. And God isn't in heaven grieving over my kids' academic scores or my daughters memory. He's grieves over sin and the lost.
• When we measure ourselves by ourselves and compare ourselves with ourselves, we are not wise. 2Cor 10:12  That is what an IQ test does after-all. Comparing my child with other children and creating a norm, when the only norm is that we're all unique. 
• "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8  
• In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. 2 Timothy 2:20  Every child is unique, some he created to
• God has challenged my view of success
• Success in homeschool doesn't mean having the smartest kids, the highest test scores, and dual-enrollment to prove it all.

What's the plan for next year:

The twins have had more than a difficult time learning. I started looking for answers at the beginning of the school year. I wanted to know... are they just slow and need more time to mature, or do they truly have a learning disability which requires treatment? That is what I've been praying about and trying to uncover all year.

As yet another year slips by and they still can't identify the entire alphabet (let alone read), can't write their ABC's or numbers to 10 independently and they are nearly 7!!...I'm ready for answers. This may not be a big deal to some people and perhaps if these children had never been taught it wouldn't be as alarming, but they have done the equivalent of "Kindergarten" TWICE already!!!! And academically they are still between pre-school and mid-Kindergarten level. Call me crazy, but I do NOT want to teach Kindergarten for a third year to the same students!!! Which is pretty much the boat I'm in. By the end of the assessment the therapist understood my pain , frustration,heart-ache,dilemma. Finally I've started shifting my focus from my teaching and teaching methods to their learning abilities/disabilities/difficulties/impairments/etc.Even under the worst teacher they should do better than they are doing now. In fact, I personally know more than a dozen children whose only teacher has been Sesame Street and Leap Frog and do exceedingly better academically. This realization; the fact that they cannot do simple, basic processes that come easily and naturally to most children has propelled me to really get help for them before another year slips away.

My initial fear about having them tested was the labeling trap; and how happy doctors are to label, diagnose, and medicate little children. I didn't want that to happen to my kids. I must say the people that I have been working with have been overwhelmingly supportive, encouraging, objective, knowledgeable, professional, and sympathetic to our wants, needs, faith, and individuality. I couldn't ask for better support given the circumstances. No one has suggested public school, special ed, pills, or the like. (smile)

Her findings: First, this is slightly incomplete b/c she hasn't officially scored the entire assessment. I was there for the entire 4 hour assessment, which was broken up into 2 days. The 2nd part went like the first. The standard score is 100 which is the mean or average score. At the standard score 100 represents the 50th percentile. For example, Peyton's standard score for reading readiness is 70 placing her in the 2 percentile ranking. This means that she is more ready than 2% of her peers and less ready than 98% of children her age who were administered this same test. Not Dyslexia? The therapist(Ms. A) said Peyton is probably not a case of dyslexia b/c dyslexic children have average to above average intelligence, yet their performance/academics doesn't match their intelligence level. Peyton on the other hand demonstrates below-average to well-below-average intelligence in all areas and is a performing at her intelligence level. Coupled with the fact that she processes information slowly, has a language delay, poor short term memory, and weak comprehension.

The Good News: (Ms. A) said Peyton is learning(albeit, very slowly) therefore she can learn. She said our reading curriculum (The Writing Road to Reading) is very strong and she can see how Peyton is using the skills that she has learned to help her read and write. She has good skills. She said that homeschooling is the best option and that Peyton is lucky to have her mom teach her. What Now? Try to get her into therapy. (Ms. A) uses The Wilson Method, which is similar to the Spalding method that we are already using. She is willing to mesh the two together and create a program that works for us. Keep working on her memory and comprehension. Do a lot of phonemic awareness exercises. A lot of repetition, and by a lot I really mean a MAMMOTH/UNCALCULATED amount of repetition. Break tasks into the smallest of steps and DEMONSTRATE everything. Integrate gross motor skills into learning and different fingering techniques for reading. She suspects that learning will always be very slow and very difficult for her, but encouraged me to keep praying for her education and her little brain. She said I'm going to need a lot of patience and grace. (more than I feel like I have most days)

The Goal: Help her to learn and absorb info.

Attitude: Peyton has a surprisingly great attitude about school work. Her favorite subject is reading.(smile) She doesn't even know that she struggles, she doesn't know...that she doesn't know. She has no idea that she has a hard time learning. She doesn't feel stressed or overworked. That is so key!!! I pray continually for patience and joy while teaching her, and when I feel exasperated I won't teach her. I NEVER want to reinforce failure. I want her to walk away from each day feeling victorious and positive about learning. If I fail with patience...she'll just plain fail.
But guess what, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!!!


BY PERSEVERANCE THE SNAIL REACHED THE ARK-Amish Proverb
I might write this proverbs on our walls (smile)

So I've been pretty forthright on my blog about the fact that my twins are slow learners which tends to make me mildly neurotic at times. I've been struggling these 2 school years to figure out whether they are genuinely slow or genuinely learning disabled. Peyton has much more trouble than Kaden. I haven't had Kaden tested, but I can reasonably assume that his abilities are at the low-end of normal, but still within the normal range. He displays many of the symptoms that Peyton has, but to a much lesser degree. I can also reasonably assume that my daughter is not within "normal" capabilities for a 6.5 year old.

So I've been battling. Do I worry and get help, or do I let her continue until her maturity catches up? I've erred more on the side of letting her catch up in her own time, but as another year slips by and progress has again been very minimal I have come to accept that there is a problem. I actually have thought this whole time that the problem was me. That if she just went to "real" school with a "real" teacher she would learn. Now everyone tells me that's not true, but I didn't believe... them until this week. I sat in on her testing the last 2 weeks. One week, I had Kason with me, and I physically had to hold him down so he didn't answer the questions for Peyton. Questions such as touch all the circles except the black one. Touch the black cat on the white house. She gave that lady the same blank stares she gives me. She said "I don't know" on about 1/3 of the test and another third can be attributed to non-sensical answers like she typically gives me. The lady read her a story about kids going on a field trip to the zoo and then asked comprehension questions afterwards. Simple questions like what did they see at the zoo, and what did they talk about on the way home. Her answer: clothes.(I'm not going to lie, it's slightly maddening!)When asked to describe the relationship between a hammer and a nail her response was "they were made for each other" (the correct answer is they are both tools) This was her standard answer for all relational questions. Also by watching her through the testing process (I'll get the results this week), I realized that the problem is bigger than just not learning to read, write, and do math. She can't do the basic processes that lead up learning these content subjects. I learned that I really have to teach her very very basic skills in order for her to be ready for academics. These skills come naturally to most children.

Signs and Symptoms of Dyslexia:
from: Teaching Tips for Kids with Dyslexia An Excellent Resource that I am currently reading to help the twins master the basic skills that they need to learn.

My observations on Dyslexia:
This is mostly for me as a written record. But also for others. For 2 school years I have felt a lot of shame and embarrassment about where the twins are academically. I thought that their progress reflected my teaching. I never wanted to be completely open about what they know and don't know because of fear of condemnation. I feel like their progress just confirms my suspicion that the problem is really me-not them and everyone must be judging me and thinking the same. I also didn't want to accept that they needed a "diagnosis". I've felt like putting a label on them was accepting defeat and washing my hands of the situation.

Signs and Symptoms of Dyslexia:

Poor Communication Skills: She is perfectly understandable and can get her point across. But talks in phrases and fragments, rarely complete sentences. She can use almost no prepositions. I noticed this during testing. When asked the relationship between a house and a street. She tried desperately to say that the house was on the street, but failed miserably. She has great difficulty using prepositions properly, and can't do it at all without prompting.

Misheard Phonemes: Often leaves off beginning or ending sounds. Sounds don't make much sense in her brain. She often leaves sounds out or adds sounds where they don't belong. Hadded instead of had.

Substitution of Phonemes: I See a lot in reading. She'll see the word "little" but consistently say "small".

Mixing up Sounds in Multisyllabic Words: Lastday instead of Yesterday, Busuem instead of Musuem, Polar Exercise or Polar Excress instead of Polar Express, Berbember instead of Remember, lell instead of yell. All of these are done consistently.

Difficulty in Sequencing Story Events: Comprehension is sorely lacking in both twins. We've been working on it everyday and there has been improvement this school year. At the beginning of the year I would read a passage and it was like pulling teach to try to get them to remember just 1 thing that I read, ANYTHING. Now at all family devotions Daddy has them say at least 1 thing that they remember. Now we often re-read the passage 3 times and go sentence by sentence asking what they remember until they can remember anything. They still can't order anything they read. Such as this happened first, second, third, etc...

Confusion of Positional, Directional, and Basic Concepts: This may be the BIGGEST challenge I face with both of the twins. They have NO concept of right/left. Kaden wears shoes, shirts, pants, and underwear backwards; consistently, every-single-day without fail! Everyday he has to redo it. Everyday he sees it as right, when it is so wrong. They both have virtually NO concept of before and after. For example neither of them can tell me what comes before 4 or any number. They still can't count to 100 without assistance. They really struggle to tell me what comes after any number I give them. They can't recognize any of the teen numbers. Sometimes they can recognize numbers past that, but on any given day they really can't recognize most numbers 13 and beyond. They can't tell me what comes before or after, whether it's abc's or baking a cake. They have no concept of before or after. Which I'm finding out how this little skill affects so much. They can't even begin to tell you what day was yesterday (they can't even say yesterday, they say lastday), or what day is tomorrow. Forget about months of the year and time. Time requires sequencing of which they have none. The good news is the Writing Road to Reading has been widely successful with dyslexics because it focuses on directionality.

Failure to Understand that Words Come Apart: Peyton was completely unable to break compound words into 2 words. When given words like popcorn, football, beanbag, etc. She couldn't break apart the words. She is starting to understand beginning sounds, but has no understanding of ending sounds; I think that is mostly because she doesn't understand beginning, middle, and end.

Difficulty in Learning the Names and Sounds of Alphabet Letters:
Those twins watched The Letter Factory for 4 years and still didn't know what a letter was. At 6 and a half I still wouldn't bet any kind of money that they know all their letters. They know most, they confuse (b,d,p,q,c and s)

Lack of Awareness of Sounds and Sequence:They have great difficulty isolating sounds and don't understand beginning sound, middle sound, end sound.

Difficulty with Recognizing Small Sight Words: They both have difficulty, they were keeping a pace of about 4 sight words a week, but they have since digressed.

Discrepancy between Performance and Ability: This is a big one. Even people who know Peyton wouldn't guess that she struggles with learning. She is very outgoing, helpful, pleasant, and obedient. She is extremely social and confidant. I could see the visible shock on the psychologist's face and the language therapist's face as they began to access her. Her performance and ability don't seem to match. Although the psychologist did say that an IQ test ends the discrepancy between performance and ability. She said that even though Peyton scores very low on these tests, her ability could also be very low, leveling the playing field. I guess the greater concern is if her ability is high, but performance is still low.

Currently reading: Dyslexia a Practical Guide for Teachers and Parents

I made a few revelations this week.

1) I need to spend more time teaching Kyle how to write a simple summary. He has trouble with run-on sentences, sentence fragments, and organizing his thoughts on paper. He actually has trouble doing those thing through oral narration as well. I realized what he was doing with narration and subsequently in his writing, is trying to remember obscure details and facts, but not actually summarizing what he read. I found some You Tube videos that I'm going to use this week to teach him. We're going to having a writing intensive this week, and maybe next.

2) The twins are progressing through reading, but are still stagnant in Math. For the most part numbers are very abstract to them. Even though we use Math-U-See which is manipulative based, they don't get addition and we haven't formally attempted subtraction. With concrete items, they can understand the principles of adding and even taking-away, but adding actual digits just throws them off. So I spent all day yesterday developing a custom-math program just for them. I'm super excited!!!! It is based on a book that I read many years ago, titled "How to Build a Super Power Memory". It uses the peg-memory system to associate letter or numbers to pictures. Thanks to my best-friend sending me lots of information on finding my child's learning style, I am actively changing what needs to be changed in our homeschool to accommodate the learning differences that I have in the school-room. I learned in "The Learning Disabilities Trap"; "The tragedy of some public-school education for children with learning differences is that the majority of teachers and administrators are convinced conditions in their schools are ideal for learning. And because such conditions make teaching easier, they have no inclination to change their current approach to teaching." p90
This affects me. I can't get caught in the trap that "this" is a really good curriculum or book or whatever, and not change it for convenience sake or fear of the unknown. I am thankful for the homeschool. I know for a fact that my twins would fail in the school system, because they are different learners, and they can't be catered to in a classroom of 20+ students.

3) I weaned Kendal this week!!!! He is 14 months old. I really didn't want to, but I knew I needed to for his sake. Feeding him on demand every 3 hours for 14 months created a picky, fussy, tyrant. I am happy to report that it is now day 5 and he is a MUCH happier baby. He is finally sleeping through the night (nothing to wake up for now), he actually stayed in nursery today for the first time ever, he doesn't hang on my legs and cry and whine, he doesn't take every opportunity to cry every time I sit down. He has learned to self-sooth, play, be cheerfully occupied, and he is gaining self-control.

4) Kyle is doing excellent in Saxon! He dreads doing math, but Saxon is working for him.

5) I'm encouraged by all the childrens' character growth. I have seen all of them grow in respect and service. They are joyfully serving around the house without being asked. They are taking on more responsibility voluntarily. They are improving in spending their morning hours with God without being asked. They are encouraging each other with their words. They are sharing voluntarily with each other. They are sacrificing their wants for each other. They are humbly coming to me or dad when they are wrong and asking for forgiveness without prompting. Rolling of eyes has all but ceased (with the threat of writing 100 sentences ea. offense. 1 offense so far), they are ultra content. They are alert and attentive to others' needs. They love singing praises to God and make-up songs for him. I am a happy, contented, blessed, wife and mother. Character isn't taught in school, it's taught at home. I look back at this list and I am so thankful, to be with my children during their waking hours. I have to look at this list when I am tempted to believe that the school could do a better job with my different learners, than I am doing. I'm not homeschooling for academics alone, I'm homeschooling because I want to form and shape my childs' character into the image of God-the school can't do that. The fact that they all get individual education plans is a bonus!

Homeschooling~The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
Let's be honest. There are ugly days and even weeks in the homeschool. So here it is.

Our first semester, is done. We are 1/3 of the way through our school year!!! I have enjoyed this year, but the last two weeks I've been overcome AGAIN, by hopelessness in teaching the twins. Learning is slow and hard, more so for my daughter. I want to know how to teach her so that she can learn. So the last two weeks I've been really researching how to help them grow in every area. I have talked to tons of people and the consensus is just wait and be patient they will catch up. A few people who know them the closest have suggested that they should be evaluated, which I agree with and am currently in the process of doing.

I am also tweaking the second semester a little for everyone.

The rational side of my brain tells me their young and it's ok, they're immature and that's ok, they're fun-loving, obedient, creative, sweet, and compassionate. They learn at their own pace and it's ok that's why you homeschool, right?

The irrational side of my brain fights the notion that something is "wrong" with them. Feeling condemned and judged that they're the only kids in Sunday-school that can't read. Insecure that people blame me, after all I'm not a "teacher"; blame my curriculum, blame my socioeconomic status, etc. etc. etc. So more times that not, I'm riddled with guilt and fear. I feel caught off guard, so I'm trying to do all this research so I can understand them and help them all the while trying not to give up...because it's very hard and exhausting.

I'm currently reading:
Homeschooling the Child with ADD(or other special needs)

Different learners : identifying, preventing, and treating your child's learning problems

Right now both of these books are very good and very encouraging.

These are a few other books I have from the library to read:

The learning disabilities trap : how to save your child from the perils of special education

The mislabeled child : how understanding your child's unique learning style can open the door to success / Brock Eide and Fernette Eide.

Learning disabilities, A to Z : a complete guide to learning disabilities from preschool to adulthood / Corinne Smith, Lisa Strick.

Turnabout children : overcoming dyslexia and other learning disabilities / Mary MacCracken.

Luckily; I found this poem, Maker of the Home, at Lisa's beautiful and inspiring blog. If I hadn't found this poem, the title of this post would be much more like "How to Run Away From Home". Not quite so fitting for a blog entitled Home Instead. But occasionally I feel like building a Godly home, forming character, raising children, loving my husband, all while having a gentle and quiet spirit is arduous, overwhelming, and sometimes painstakingly difficult and fruitless. I am an introvert by nature. By God's grace he allows me to live out all the "one another" scriptures; forgive one another, love one another, serve one another, be patient with one another, bear with one another,etc. etc. So it may seem like I'm an extrovert. I'm not. Not even a little. There are days when I don't feel like doing any of those things. I grow weary in doing good. I grow weary just being around people constantly. I lose sight of what it takes to build a home and give myself to others. I forget how beautiful it is to share in Christ's sufferings; to pour myself out like a drink offering. Thankfully, Joy does come in the morning and God renews my strength so I can soar high on wings like eagles. I can run and not grow weary, I can walk and not faint. I am in a much better place today. I really enjoyed this poem and reminder.



MAKER OF THE HOME


Little maker of the home,
What do you really do?
When all is said and done,
What will be said of you?
You rise each day just like the sun,
You give your life away,
And tired, you run the course again.

You need to hear Him say,
"Well done,
Oh, maker of the home,
Well done!
You labour not alone.
And though your eyes may never see,
This home you live to make,
You make for Me.

Your life a shadow seems,
Compared to what others do.
But who would catch the tears
And point to Me,
If not for you?
And when they've grown,
Imprinted on their hearts will always be,
How good, how right, to give their lives,
And build a home for Me."

- unknown

Tonight I read Mommy, Why Don't We Celebrate Halloween

Started Our 24 Family Ways. I don't have this particular edition, but this resource is extraordinary!!!! I'm really looking forward to it.

It was a busy day today. I woke up before dark and walked several miles. We had our homeschool co-op today, homeschool, phone calls, and soccer. The light bulbs are really turning on for Kaden and I'm so happy. Tonight he begged to do another reading lesson. And he had "important" work from his teacher at co-op that he "had" to work on for an hour. He is suddenly so interested in astronomy and reading and numbers. I'm so happy to see him so excited about learning.

Kyle got hurt go-carting this weekend. Didn't know go-carts could go so fast. He's okay, but I think he'll have some scars and a phobia of fast moving vehicles.

Kendal pulled the chair on his face and has a black eye. Poor baby.

I'm thinking about laundry; the washing, drying, folding, and putting away of. Deciding whether to watch the Duggars, fix husbands computer, blog, fold laundry, set-up for tomorrow, research, sleep. What should I do? Probably sleep.

My husband is working 80 hours a week. Is it a coincidence the children lose their ever-loving minds?? Some days I'm bordering on insanity because they would like to drive me CRAZY. What possible mischief could these adorable cherubs conjure up? You'd be amazed, and I may even live to tell it about it, but it won't be tonight.

So we are at the end of week one. We spent this week really trying to find our groove. I'm enjoying the Charlotte Mason method, and wholeheartedly agree with her philosophies. I think we've finally found our niche!!!

The readings have been challenging, fun, and inspiring. Our complete curriculum is on the left side-bar. Like I said, we are still trying to find our rhythm for the year. But this is going to be a much better year than last year.

School year 2010-2011 was not our best year. The unexpectedly tedious and painstaking process of trying to teach my twins the 3R's (to nearly no avail) left me depleted physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I spent most of the year in frustration and feeling overwhelmingly defeated; which is why I haven't done a year in review, I just didn't want to relive it. Kyle did ok, we didn't finish as many books as we usually do. I have an unfavorable opinion about his handwriting; and his math speed increased less than minimally. I think the hardest thing about being "the teacher" is that I feel like everything is "my fault". I make no allowances for natural weaknesses, boredom, distractions, dislikes, a bad day, a bad week, a bad year. I nearly smothered in my own guilt and insecurity last year. I was wrong on so many fronts. I was prideful, unfaithful,impatient, neurotic (is that a sin)? But...joy does come in the morning!!!Now, I am in a better place. I really have made peace with where they are, and where they are not. I love them and enjoy them, and will perservere with them. I am learning that I need the fruits of the spirit more than ever. What a wonderful classroom when mother has a plentiful abundance of love, joy, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, goodness, GENTLENESS, FAITHFULLNESS, and self-control. The fruits in bold are the one's I am particularly praying for daily. How wonderful that God uses my chidren, and homeschooling to help me draw closer to Him. I think few things are more humbling than teaching your own children.

I'm back...I am recommitting myself to my blog. I do like and enjoy blogging, however I feel a philanthropic compulsion to blog...like I need to give back. I've learned sooo much from blogs, it has in fact help fortify the person that I am today. Sounds corny, but true. Long before I ever met homeschooling, cloth diapering, Little-house loving, Ladies Against Feminism real-life women; I found solace and camaraderie in my e-friends. What right have I not to give back some of what I've been given, in the hope that it might bless others. But secretly, or maybe not so secretly, I doubt my ability and validity to help others. Who am I to, what right have I to, when will I, why will I, how will I, but they do it better than I, etc. etc. etc. flood my mind and talk me right out of blogging each and everyday. But I guess more and more I'm finding comfort in my weaknesses and imperfections. Not so comfortable, that I'm complacent; but comfortable in the sense that I'm not perfect and never will be. That's fine, because I have a perfect Savior who has redeemed me, and I am living my life for Him.


St. Peter Denying Christ, by Paul Gustav Doré (1832-1883)

Speaking of living for him, I found this great article whilst helping my son with his assignment. My wonderful mother advised me to integrate current events into our school day. So my oldest has started reading Scholastic.com and I let him write two paragraphs reviewing an article of his choosing. His favorite writing assignment is the Sticky Situations. He has to find one applicable scripture for the situation, which has been a great research exercise as well as a practical approach to teaching how the scriptures are useful for all things. Well I was helping him find a scripture about pleasing God and not men and came across The Folly of Trying to Please Man by Richard Baxter-I do love Puritan sermons! Oh this one cut me deep. I would do well to memorize this entire treastie.

Richard Baxter:
1. Remember what a multitude you have to please;
and when you have pleased some, how many more will be still unpleased, and how many displeased when you have done your best. Alas! we are insufficient at once to observe all those that observe us and would be pleased by us. You are like one that hath but twelve pence in his purse, and a thousand beggars come about him for it, and every one will be displeased if he have it not all. If you resolve to give all that you have to the poor, if you do it to please God, you may attain your end, but if you do it to please them, when you have pleased those few that you gave it to, perhaps twice as many will revile or curse you, because they had nothing. The beggar that speeds well will proclaim you liberal, and the beggar that speeds ill will proclaim you niggardly and unmerciful; and so you will have more to offend and dishonour you, than to comfort you by their praise, if that must be your comfort.
2. Remember that all men are so selfish, that their expectations will be higher than you are able to satisfy.
They will not consider your hinderances, or avocations, or what you do for others, but most of them look to have as much to themselves, as if you had nobody else to mind but them. Many and many a time, when I have had an hour or a day to spend, a multitude have every one expected that I should have spent it with them. When I visit one, there are ten offended that I am not visiting them at the same hour: when I am discoursing with one, many more are offended that I am not speaking to them all at once: if those that I speak to account me courteous, and humble, and respectful, those that I could not speak to, or but in a word, account me discourteous and morose. How many have censured me, because I have not allowed them the time, which God and conscience commanded me to spend upon greater and more necessary work! If you have any office to give, or benefit to bestow which one only can have, every one thinketh himself the fittest; and when you have pleased one that hath it, you have displeased all that went without it, and missed of their desires.

READ the entire 22 reasons why it is foolish to try to please others.
The complete sermon on Man-pleasing by Richard Baxter can be found here

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him-Proverbs 22:15

We've been having devotionals on foolishness for more than a month. No Greater Joy's article Unbinding Foolishness came right on time. We're still working through issues of folly. I'll be glad when they're just a memory. Folly is hard to discipline, it's not mean or rebellious, it's folly-and it's annoying and usually always leads to something else.

I miss the computer, but I'm enjoying my new domestic duties. Everyday is something new. I finally got a new vacuum today, and swiffer and dust mop. There is so much to do. I'm in the middle of doing several projects for the kids. I want to make sandpaper letters, sentence blocks, and other educational games for the kids. We're also in the middle of making a lapbook on Hudson Taylor the missionary to China.I am in the middle of writing two papers for class. Well I'm not really in the middle. They're do next week and I haven't started, although I did secure my research books I just have to write.

I have been so inspired by this website that my friend lead me to, but oh the weight of condemnation. I partly leave the website feeling like I learned so much, and I partly leave feeling like a failure what have I been doing all these years! I'm starting to attribute some of my older sons weaknesses to shear teacher error. I know he won't be good at all things, but some of his weaknesses aren't true weaknesses but just the result of teacher error (me). That's the downside to homeschooling, there is really no one to blame but you. There are many things that I underestimated that have been a hindrance to him. Not major, like he can't get into college stuff, but little stuff. Like...
I should have let him play with clay, scissors, puzzles, manipulative's, etc when he was really little. His fine motor skills have been so slow to develop. I underestimated the true value in seemingly ridiculous tasks like putting macaroni on a string and learning to color... so we never did them. It took me years to decide on what writing style I wanted to use so he literally learned parts of three before I finally decided on one. It would have been so much easier to start with the right one from the start. It has taken me a while to learn how to teach math. I need to spend a lot more time teaching. I realize that I have been giving too much independent work and I haven't been teaching enough especially with math. I think that has been my biggest realization this week, I need to teach much more.

So...I feel better now, I'm not as melancholoy as I sound. I'm grateful for the gift of homeschooling, I'm thankful to be humbled, I have hope and wisdom for the future. God is so liberal in pouring out wisdom, I've been praying and begging God for more wisdom everyday, I know he will be faithful.

So I asked my husband if he ever feels under condemnation. He said, "No, I pretty much know what I'm good at and what I'm not". And he adds, "I'm not prideful, I'm just confident." Spoken like a true humble person, he makes me laugh!

In other news...I can't wait to post pics. I have the cutest pics of all my little treasures. God has given me an amazing family, I am blessed far more than I deserve.

Yes we are drowning in laundry...literally!

It's impressive I know. And I thought that the pack n play was the best place to contain all the clean laundry.

And I didn't even take pictures of the 6 baskets of folded laundry that are lining the hallway. Secretly, my kids sleep in their clothes to cut-down on laundry. And not so secretly, they often wear their clothes 2 days in a row! Imagine how much laundry I would have if my kids actually wore pajamas and changed their clothes everyday? Hmmmm....

This is 100% worth your 10 minutes.




Lyrics to What if there were no more excuses
Blair Wingo

What if there were no more excuses
You know how you say that turning from sin is a process
When the truth is you just want an excuse to take your so called precious time
So you throw out no bodies perfect to cover the guilt on your mind
Or how about this one… we won’t be holy until we enter glory
But then who is hell for?
You may feel like sin is warring within but Christ gave victory not to give in
Cause can’t enter heaven and not reflect Him
So… what if you had no more excuses
Because for a Christian, they just don’t make sense
Like knowing He’s coming back for a bride without spot
But thinking you can climb over the fence
But it’s just not true
So what if there was nothing stopping you
Like you’re told not to drink or smoke, and you got an excuses
Like technically the Bible doesn’t specifically say not to
Show me the exact scripture, and I’ll consider, matter of fact show me a sign
I mean Jesus turned water into wine
And God created weed, the Bible says I give you every tree,…so it must be fine
Or you’re told not to listen to worldly music
And you say we’ll I’ll just listen to r&b, the oldies or neo-soul
When you know they aint preaching the gospel
And when your done listening it makes you lust grow
Before you were cool, now your sentual
Dress provocatively so you gab the compliments of men
When truthfully your lacking Christs convictions
He doesn’t have your whole heart cause your seeking male attention
Don’t you see these excuses causes a dissention
Between you and the Father
And we love holding on to these excuses, that’s why we insist
To pass up all these scriptures that teaches us to be righteous
And find that one that we can bend, pervert and twist
Come on
But what if all our excuses were gone
What if there was no excuse
Keeping you in your sin
Stopping you from holiness
From letting Christ in
What if there was no excuse
But all of us began
To throw away these clichés like
We all gone sin

What if there were no more excuses
Like serving God is hard
Cause you trust in yourself rather than the Word of God-you know I’m pulling your card
Come on admit it
Don’t use the very Bible which says that we are to be holy, then say you can’t get with it
When He was bruised for it
The King of Jews was whipped
In order that the veil be ripped
Giving direct access through Christ-He is our holiness
Because the truth is if you got excuses, then you have got to beware
Because the truth is He won’t give us a temptation beyond what we can bear
So don’t use the scripture to hold on to your sin, come on don’t go there
Like Romans 3:23
We’ve all sinned and fallen short of His glory
But look at verse 24
It’s a compound
It shows that we have been set free
You see you’ve got to read some more
It says that we have been justified by His grace
A stunning transaction has taken place
Outside the court, the guilt of sinners pardoned through faith
You see the Sons death waved the consequences of sin
In a unique sacrifice of atonement
Which truly washes us from within
This is not pretend
He bought us back like Hosea his wife when she was prostituting in sin
So what are your excuses?

What if there was no excuse
Keeping you in your sin
Stopping you from holiness
From letting Christ in
What if there was no excuse
But all of us began
To throw away these clichés like
We all gone sin


It is written: without holiness, no one will see Him
And this holiness is reflectant on weather or not Christ is within
Cause if Christ suffered and died, bearing your shame
And you would never really live a life affected by the cross,
then He would have never came
If there is no change and we will always do things that bring Him shame
Then Christ could have never came
But He did so your could live
Delivered from things perverse
And I challenge those that don’t believe, you do the research
Search the scripture yourself
Come on; pull your sword of the shelf
And I’m not talking sinless perfection
I’m talking about being grateful
Because sin goes against His resurrection
Read Romans chapter 6 if in need of a cross reference
About the new birth that has been written candidly
Which verifies
Romans 7 does not nullify victory over sin in Christianity
He is explaining the sin the law produced inwardly
Says himself he is unspiritual-in slavery
Calls out woe, who will rescues me
Trusts Jesus Christ cause in Romans 8 he has the victory
Sowing to the Spirit, this cats been redeemed
Because He knows who the truth is
And Paul wasn’t trying to hold on to His excuses


What if there was no excuse
Keeping you in your sin
Stopping you from holiness
From letting Christ in
What if there was no excuse
But all of us began
To throw away these clichés like
We all gone sin

So ask yourself what are my excuses?
What, nobodies perfect…or God knows my heart…or I was born this way,
forget what the scriptures say,
but if were always going to sin, I guess its okay
No…these things are abominable, do you see how deep these excuses will go
What if you had no more excuses?
What if you had them no more?
What if you had no more excuses?
Laid open before the Lord
No more holding on to your temporal lusts
Ungodly relationships that mess up your godly trust
No more blaming others to justify why you cuss
What if you had no more excuses?
Didn’t fight each time the light exposed your sin
Like knowing you have to die to self, yet there is a war going on within
Because your flesh loves the path that it is on
But what if all your excuses were gone
What if I told you to lay down your favorite secular song, because it opposes Christianity?
If I broke down all your idols, your TV shows, your hidden vanity
What then, when you cant hide behind men?
No more blaming your pastor, for your sin
Pastors say you don’t have to live it, so you’ll go to the pit?
When we stand before God none of our excuses will be legit, He will spit
Us out of His mouth
Too busy looking for our season, can’t see the filth inside our house
It’s not in order, so we won’ t be ready when He comes
And I know what your saying…hold up, but I’m saved,
But I’m saying if you are practicing sin, then you are getting played
When 1John 3:10 clearly states that you are hopelessly depraved
A child of the devil willing slave
But Christ set you free, but you choose to be chained


And I’m like that godly banshee, sending you a word, a poem, a fax
Based on facts to expose the gun the enemy has at your back
He is trying to take you out
And He uses your excuses to make you doubt
He doesn’t care about your finances
He will actually give you more, if it will lead you from the Lord
And we say take back what the enemy has stole
We focus on
money, what about your soul?
Submitting to Satans delusions, cause think about it if you wanted to send people to hell, how would you do it?
Wouldn’t you use and excuse?
A lie to keep men from the truth
Do I need to show you more proof?
So what if you had no more excuses?

What if there was no excuse
Keeping you in your sin
Stopping you from holiness
From letting Christ in
What if there was no excuse
But all of us began
To throw away these clichés like
We all gone sin

Still tempted but accepted the grace not to do it
Not to give in
Because we know that as a Christian we have died to sin
You see His arms were stretched
We were working for the enemy, the minimum wage is death
But the deep thing is Christ picked up our check
Saved us from the coming wrath
And I know right now, some of yawl are mad
But I’m going to tell it, to save you from this wide path
Because Jesus said if I am ashamed of His words, then He will be ashamed of me
And if I still fear men, then I’m not truly free
So I aint scared of none of yawl
Cause it’s a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God
So you do the math
And it’s crazy that Christians will persecute you
Make excuse to hold on to the evil things they do
Yet there are no excuses when you want God to bless you
Isn’t this true?
But I’m talking nothing separating your from the love of God
So why is what I’m saying odd, a foreign language
Because sin is contagious, your read the Bible but skip the convicting pages
From Adam to you, this is outrageous
When Christ the Lamb of God has already saved us
Would He have done all that…heal the deaf, deliver the possessed, and restore sight
And not give us the power to live right?
So you choose
The next time God convicts you
Will you hide behind your theology, or believe in the reality of the Bible
Will you serve the living God, or the American Idol?
So leave these excuses at the cross
Stop saying its someone else’s fault
Let Him clear your murky water
He is here to take away the prop keeping you from the Father
But you have to accept what the truth is
There is no reason now, not to live holy for God
Cause I’ve taken away all you excuses