I went to bed last night realizing that I would be alone with the children for the next 6 days, and I panicked. Because I'm a little tired, and a little weary. It's a mental fatigue, which I've learned are the worst kind. The fatigue that comes from worry, gnawing insecurities, and the threat of failure. I have known how to parent little children, I'm now learning how to parent older children...uncharted waters. And I wonder do I really have what it takes, physically, emotionally, spiritually to guide all of these kids to adulthood safely? Here's to praying that they'll still invite me to Thanksgiving in 15 years....

I do, in fact, have my hands full. And I am human. I wonder sometimes what it would have been like...

And right now, in the thick of it, I think I know why birth control is such a popular invention, and so vehemently defended....

I could have chosen to be less tired. I could. I could have chosen to have more free time or a firmer tummy...

But it would have been what I chose. And I can make really bad choices. Instead, I have what God chose for me. And there is an indescribable amount of peace in that....

Yes I am busy with this many children. But I’ve given them my life–all of me so that I don’t think any one of them feels neglected in the least way. They still tell me they hope we have another baby. So the people who say that I’m spreading myself too thin, they must be wrong...

I don’t like the idea of announcing another pregnancy because I know it seems bizarre. I even fear it. But I can’t stand the thoughts of just waking up tomorrow and saying “no” to God for the rest of my short child-bearing years. I can’t stand the thought of missing the rest of my children.

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